Hetalia Tales 6:5 : Meet The In-laws!
by pastaaddict
Summary: Arthur takes his new husband, Francis, and twin sons, Alfred and Matthew, to meet his brothers, Allistor, Rhys and Patrick but he's not happy about it because whenever the Kirkland Clan get together ... British Isle Brothers. Rated T for potty mouth, courtesy of England and Scotland! Linked to Hetalia Tales 6: Hansel and Gretel AKA Alfred and Matthew
**This is the last of the HTs for a while, at least, but I'm still working on the UsUk heartbeat story arc and I'm working on an Hetalia/AoT crossover. We'll see how that turns out!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya! ( And I'm jealous about that! )':)**

 _ **Hetalia Tales 6:5 : Meet The In-laws!**_

Arthur wished he had never told Francis about his brothers because he was now insisting that he meet his new brothers-in-law and the twins meet their new uncles but Arthur had never told him about the family dynamic of the Kirkland Clan because, to be frank, it was a weird one.

Arthur, despite being over a thousand years old, was the youngest and the smallest of the Kirkland Brothers and, as such, he was 'bullied' by his brothers as a child. He knew it was done to 'toughen him up' but it left a lingering resentment to this day so whenever they met, a family fight was usually the result. Bad enough when it was just Arthur but for Francis, Alfred and Matthew to see that …..

"Mon cher, they are our family now!" Francis insisted. "And the boys have gone from no family to two fathers and three uncles! They want to meet them, mon amour!" Arthur looked a little nervous.

"There's a little problem," he admitted. "I haven't told them yet that I'm married, let alone that they have nephews now!" Francis looked shocked.

"How could you keep such wonderful news from your own brothers?" he asked. Arthur shrugged.

"We don't see each other that often," he replied. "And when we do …...!" Francis wrapped his arms around his Fae husband.

"Oh, mon petit lapin!" he exclaimed. "I'm sure your brothers will be happy to see you, just as I'm sure you'll be pleased to see your brothers! Give them a chance and let them meet our sons!" Arthur sighed.

"Alright!" he agreed. "But if I think things are getting inappropriate for our six year olds, we leave. Agreed!" Francis smiled.

"Agreed!" he replied and Francis kissed Arthur passionately.

* * *

In the Hall of the Kirkland Clan, three Fae sat in chairs around a roaring fire that burned in the heath of the Great Hall, chasing away the cold of the stone hall that had been unoccupied for a long time until the Kirkland Brothers received a summons from their youngest brother. Summons were not to be ignored and the remaining Kirklands wondered what their youngest wanted.

"Why do you think Bunny summoned us, Allistor?" Rhys asked his older brother. Rhys had the same green eyes and wings that all the Kirkland Clan had, as well as the huge eyebrows. He also had brassy red hair, verging on orange and he spoke in the accent of the part of the United Kingdom he was responsible for, Cymru! His brother, Allistor, with hair that was undeniably red, snorted.

"The wee shite better have a good reason for dragging our arses from every corner of the kingdom," he swore in a Caledonian accent. "Otherwise, I'll be kicking his arse all the way back to Germania where he's been hanging out lately!" Patrick looked up at his brothers, his hair colour somewhere between the two.

"He was doing something for King Wolfgang," he reminded them, sounding like those who inhabit the land of Eire. "And don't you think it's time we started treating Bunny better. We were trying to toughen him up and we succeeded! He's called on by Kings like Wolfgang and Romulus. Can you forgo your little bout this time?."

"I think if Allistor's that nice to Bunny, the shock might kill him!" Rhys joked but Patrick was not amused.

"I don't see anywhere near as much of our little brother as I'd like," he admitted. "We rarely see him because what happens when we do. He only summons us when needs must and only comes when we summon him which isn't very often. Are you proud of that?" The other two brothers looked thoughtfully into the fire. Truth was, what they did was out of love for their youngest brother to make him strong because when he was born, he was dangerously weak and was still small and frail, even after a couple of centuries so they made him work and strive to fight back and it worked. But now Arthur avoided coming home as much as possible.

Patrick hoped Allistor would behave himself when Bunny arrived! But old habits die hard!

* * *

One could not enter the Hall of the Kirkland Clan by walking through a door in a building as the Hall existed in the Magic Realm so Arthur took Francis, Alfred and Matthew to the woods to find what he needed to reluctantly transport his family to this brotherly reunion.

"Do you think our uncles will like us, Dad?" Alfred asked, cuddling his rabbit, Liberty while Matthew's pet white bear cub, Kumajirou stayed close to him as they walked though the trees, the boys staying close to their parents. After their experience with the Dark Fae, Anya, they were understandably nervous of the woods.

"I'm sure they'll love you, boys," Arthur replied, crossing his fingers and hoping for the best. Rhys and Patrick might behave themselves around the boys but Allistor was less predictable.

Arthur finally found a ring of toadstools and he told his family to stand in the centre and joined them. His eyes began to glow and so did the toadstools. Matthew nervously grabbed his brother's hand and squeezed it tight. He knew his Dad would not do anything that would endanger him but it was still scary for a six year old and Francis put a reassuring hand on the shoulders of both boys. There was a warm tingle and a slight feeling of falling as the woods disappeared to be replaced by a stone hall.

* * *

"How long is it going to take him to get here?" Allistor groused, sipping at the chalice of Caledonia whiskey he had procured for himself and nearly choked in surprise when a hand suddenly came down on his shoulder.

"You should have more patience, Allistor!" Arthur declared. "After all, there have been times when we've had to wait for you!"

"What kept you, you little shit?" Allistor demanded.

"I had trouble finding a fairy circle," Arthur replied. "They're not so plentiful where I am at the moment! And could you please watch your language!" Allistor stood up and glared down his little brother.

"Since when does swearing bother you?" he huffed. "Don't tell me what to do!" And he slapped Arthur round the head then he felt a sharp pain hit him in his leg.

"Owwwww!" he bellowed and Rhys and Patrick looked in amazement as their oldest brother hopped about holding his leg while a little boy stood by their youngest brother who looked down at the boy as if he could not believe that the boy had just kicked Allistor in the shin. The little blonde boy with the cowlick stood with a cute angry pout while holding a little rabbit in an adorable display of child's temper. Allistor spotted the child and towered over the boy.

"What was that for, you little brat?" he stormed, whipping out his wand. "How would like to be hopping round like a rabbit to keep your pet company?" Arthur stood between them with his own wand out to defend the boy while the boy puffed out his cheeks.

"Don't ever hit my Dad!" he threatened, looking ready to kick Allistor again. Silence reigned as the other Kirkland Brothers stared at their youngest brother and the little boy at his side.

"Dad!" Rhys exclaimed as he stared at the child. Then looked up at Arthur. "You been a naught boy, Bunny?" Arthur scowled.

"Before you embarrass me and yourself any further," Arthur huffed. "Perhaps I should get to the reason I asked you to come here." Arthur turned and waved for someone to come forward. That was when Allistor, Rhys and Patrick realised there was someone else in the hall and watched a blonde, blue-eyed, bearded man come forward with another blonde boy who looked similar to the other one but with a curling strand falling between his eyes, being trailed by a little white bear, the little boy trying to hide behind the bearded man's leg.

"Francis, Alfred and Matthew!" Arthur introduced. "This is Allistor, Rhys and Patrick, my older brothers. Allistor, Rhys and Patrick, this is Francis Bonnefoy, my husband and these are your new nephews, Alfred and Matthew." Arthur indicated which boy was which.

"You're married!" Allistor exclaimed. "When did this happen!"

"On my last mission," Arthur replied and indicated that they should sit down while Alfred and Matthew sat before the fire playing with Liberty and Kuma as Arthur and Francis related the events of dealing with Anya and the events at the orphanage where they found Alfred and Matthew and how they almost ended up as Anya's victims.

"A Dark Fae!" Patrick gasped. "I thought all the Dark Fae were banished by the Russian Royal Family!"

"They missed one," Arthur replied, casually. "But now, she's with the others and, hopefully she was the last. Magical searches have been done and no others have been found."

"Let's hope they never are!" Patrick declared. "They always were nasty buggers!" They turned to look at the boys. Rhys was sat with the boys, playing with Alfred and drawing Matthew out of his shell. Rhys was always the best with children.

"So!" Allistor said, turning to Francis. "You're our new brother-in-law, eh! What made you want to marry this wee sod?"

"Oi!"

"Mon petit lapin is so cute when he's angry," Francis replied while Allistor snorted with laughter at Arthur being called 'My little rabbit', especially when they called him 'Bunny'. "And I made him angry a lot!" And he winked.

"I'm surprised you lived, given Bunny's temper," Rhys said from the floor. "And I never expected you to marry someone French, Bunny! I thought you said the French were all touchy-feely perverts?" Francis looked toward his Fae husband and put his hand over his heart in mock shock.

"How could you say that about my countrymen, mon cher?!" he gasped. Arthur huffed.

"Because most of the French I've ever met were touchy-feely perverts," he replied. "You included!" Francis leant toward Arthur.

"You didn't complain last night," he purred, sultrily. Arthur put his face on Francis's face and shoved him away.

"Eww!" said Patrick. "Too much information! And there's children in the room!" Alfred's head came up.

"What?"

"Nothing! Play with your rabbit!"

"Speaking of children," Allistor said. "Are you going to punish that wee brat of yours for kicking me?" Alfred's head came up again.

"You hit my Dad!" he justified.

"I always hit your Dad!" Allistor mocked. "Do you want to know why we call him Bunny? Because we used to hunt him like one!" Patrick facepalmed.

"Oh, Allistor!" he groaned.

"You're mean!" Alfred shouted. "I don't like you!"

"And I don't like kids that kick me!" Allistor shouted back. Alfred got up, went over to Allistor and kicked him in the shin again and Allistor howled in pain.

"Alfred!" Arthur admonished. After rubbing his shin, Allistor got up and got his wand out again.

"That's it, you little sod!" he fumed. "If your _father_ won't discipline you, I will!" As he raised his wand, Arthur pushed Alfred to one side with his own wand raised.

"I don't care if you are my brother," he warned. "I won't let you threaten my son, you wanker!" Rhys and Patrick knew the signs and Patrick grabbed Alfred while Rhys grabbed Matthew to get them out of harm's way and the two of them grabbed Francis, pulling him into a corner.

"Best stay out of the way!" Rhys advised as Allistor and Arthur faced each other. "You don't want to get between them when they're like this!" France looked back at the combatants.

"Are they always like this?" he asked.

"Every time they meet!" Patrick replied. Now Francis realised why Arthur had been so reluctant to bring them here.

"You sure that brat's only adopted?" Allistor mocked. "He's just like you! You were a petulant little troublemaker too!"

"That coming from a bully boy!" Arthur sneered. "At least Alfred kicked you because he was sticking up for me, not because he enjoys it like you did!" Arthur threw a spell that Allistor dove to one side to avoid and the spell left a scorch mark in the wall behind him.

"Yeah!" Alfred cried out. "I'm the hero!"

"Shut up, kid!" Allistor replied and then turned back to Arthur. "Awwh! Poor wittle Bunny feeling pick on! Need a wee brat to protect you! You cry baby!" He flicked out a spell that had Arthur ducking.

"Cry baby!" Arthur snorted. "I think those smelly leaves from the New World that you smoke had addled your brain. Or maybe you've had a drop too much of that gut-rot you like so much!" Allistor dodged another spell that hit one of the chairs and sent it crashing into the walls. Matthew wrapped his arms around his uncle Rhys's neck and held on for dear life, saying, "Oh maple!"

"You only insult that whisky because you can't tolerate it!" Allistor sneered, sending magic flying at his brother who erected a shield to block it. "One drop and you fall flat on your face and start singing a song about goblins!"

"At least I don't start fights!" Arthur retorted as he fired back, this time his magic picking up a chair and sending it flying at Allistor who destroyed it with a spell. "How many taverns have you wrecked up to now?"

"Those were bloody good nights!" Allistor replied, creating ice to make Arthur slip who responded by casting a spell at the fire which roared and blazed toward Allistor, keeping him busy shielding himself with magic as Arthur got up. Even Alfred was frightened now and buried his face in his uncle Patrick's neck.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Patrick roared and both combatants turned to the angry Eire Fae. "Do you two have to do this every time we meet up! You're scaring the children!" Arthur rushed over to the boys, taking Alfred from Patrick and cuddling him while Francis took Matthew to comfort.

"I'm sorry, boys!" Arthur said, stroking Alfred's hair and then rubbing Matthew's back. He should have realised that, after Anya and everything that this would scare the twins and felt guilty that he had never considered that. "I should have warned you! Me and your uncle Allistor, well we kind of have this ritual when we meet."

"Aye!" Allistor came up to them too. He had not meant to scare the boys and he hoped that he could get the boys to like him now. It had probably not been the best idea to use Alfred to start this fight and Allistor like the boy's fiery spirit. "Me and your Dad always have a little scrap. Just to see who's best! We don't really hate each other, even if Bunny is a wee shite at times!"

"What's a wee shite?" Alfred asked.

"Never you mind!" Arthur replied. "Don't repeat what your uncle Allistor says, Alfred! His language isn't the most refined."

"Pot, kettle, black!" Allistor retorted. "If I'm honest though, I would say that Bunny here is my favourite brother."

"OI!" Rhys and Patrick said together, indignantly.

"Don't get pissy about it!" Allistor replied. "He's your favourite too, don't lie!" Rhys and Patrick looked at each other and shrugged. What the hell! It was true!

"When Bunny was born, he was this tiny little thing," Rhys explained. "We didn't think he was going to live, actually! But he did but he was very frail and, being the big brother that he is, Allistor took responsibility for Bunny and we all helped, getting him strong and toughening him up."

"You said you used to hunt my Dad!" Alfred said to Allistor accusingly. Allistor gave a sheepish grin.

"Aye," he replied. "But I never said we hurt him when he was caught. We just used to tease him a little! You see, laddie, we were teaching Bunny how to get away if he had to! And soon, not only was he escaping from us, he was turning the tables. I tell you laddie, your Dad's a demon with a bow and arrow!" Alfred turned to Arthur.

"Really, Dad!" he asked, excitedly. "Will you teach me?" He turned back to Allistor. "And will you teach me how to es..esc...?"

"Escape!" Allistor completed. Matthew turned to look at Allistor as well.

"Me too?" he asked and then cuddled back into Francis.

"That's up to your Dad!" Francis wanted to know one thing.

"If you love your brother so much," he asked. "Then why this fighting when you meet?" Patrick rolled his eyes.

"Because Allistor has this over-whelming need to test Bunny to make sure he hasn't gone soft," he explained. "And Bunny feels the need to kick Allistor's arse to prove that he hasn't. And don't think that, because they do actually love each other that they like each other! If you could only hear the squabbling! They're only behaving themselves now for the sake of the boys. I asked Allistor not to provoke a fight this time but he's too boneheaded to listen!"

"Maybe I should challenge you next time, you leprechaun!" Allistor snorted.

"Bring it, Nessie!"

"Stop it or I'll set Draig on to you," Rhys threatened and the brothers shut up. No one wanted to go up against Rhys's pet red dragon.

* * *

Things settled down and, after the Hall was set to rights, everyone began to finally celebrate Arthur's marriage and the three uncles got to know their new brother-in-law and nephews and Allistor managing to reverse the bad impression he had made of himself on the boys.

Allistor got drinks for all of them (fruit juice for Alfred and Matthew) and raised his goblet in a toast.

"To Bunny and Francis!" he announced. "May their marriage be long and happy and, to our new nephews, may they grow up happy, giving their parents endless amounts of grey hair!"

"Ha, ha!" Arthur said, sarcastically but drank with the others anyway. Then after a moment, he began giggling and swaying then he fell down on to his face.

"Do you see the goblins!" he began singing. "Short and sweet and fun! But if you turn around, they're going to bite you on the bum!" Francis nearly choked on his drink and Matthew just stared at his Dad while Alfred starting giggling. Rhys and Patrick turned toward Allistor who was smirking and holding up a bottle of Caledonian whiskey.

Because another thing the Kirkland Brothers do is prank each other!

 **The 'Smelly leaves from the New World' that Allistor smokes is tobacco as Allistor's something of a chain-smoker. I got the idea about Arthur falling on his face and singing about goblins after a sip of whiskey from a comedy series called Blackadder. In the Blackadder II episode Beer, Elizabethan courtier, Lord Edmund Blackadder was famous for singing songs about goblins or calling himself Merlin the Happy Pig after a drop of alcohol. I didn't use the song he sang and the one I made up was kind of childish but drunk people ARE childish! XP**

 **So till the next story I post,**

 **Hasta la Pasta!**


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